DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PROGRAM
OF HERKIMER COUNTY
WORKING TOWARDS A FUTURE FREE FROM INTIMATE PARTNER ABUSE
Our program strives to prevent the cycle of violence
through education, intervention, and social change.
We serve those affected by domestic violence regardless of religion, race, ethnicity,
socio-economic status, marital status, age, physical ability, sexual orientation, or gender identity.
The hotline is not only for victims in crisis: anyone who needs assistance with a domestic violence
situation, including friends and family of a victim, may call for support and information.
The Domestic Violence Program of Herkimer County is a Program of Catholic Charities of Herkimer County.
For more information on Catholic Charities of Herkimer County click the button below.
ADVOCACY AND ACCOMPANIMENT
Program staff provide accompaniment and advocacy through medical facilities, housing, social services systems, and legal systems including criminal court and family court, and any other areas as needed.
INFORMATION AND REFERRAL
Program staff can provide information and referral as appropriate for additional services as necessary.
Program staff are available to provide advocacy, accompaniment, support, or crisis services 24 hours a day.
SAFE TEMPORARY SHELTER
We have a nine-bed facility in a confidential location to provide safe housing for victims of abuse and their children.
Program staff provide supportive counseling regarding domestic violence, abuse, and unhealthy relationships. Staff are fully trained in all aspects of intimate partner violence and are the "experts" in dealing with issues regarding domestic violence.
NYS OFFICE OF VICTIM SERVICES
Information and assistance with filing an OVS claim. If you have been the victim of a crime (domestic violence is a crime) you may be entitled to compensation.
COMMUNITY EDUCATION AND OUTREACH
We provide free educational presentations to students grades K-12, as well as on college campuses, on the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. We also provide free training opportunities to professionals in the community on the dynamics of domestic violence and best practices for assisting any victims that these professionals may come in contact with in their work.
SUPERVISED VISITATION CENTER
The center provides a safe, neutral environment between a non-custodial parent or parents and one or more children in the presence of a third party who is there to observe and record the visit. Supervised visits foster a child’s relationship with the non-custodial parent, in the absence of any conflict that exists between adults. The center is located at 61 West Street, Ilion NY. Please contact the center with any questions at 315-574-2226.
All of our services are FREE and CONFIDENTIAL
WHAT IS ABUSE
Physical and sexual assaults, or threats to commit them, are often linked to other abusive behaviors. Although physical assaults may only occur occasionally, they can instill the fear of future violence, allowing the abuser to take control of the partner's life.
INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE
JEALOUSY, GUILTING, VOLATILITY
Jealousy is not a sign of love, it is a way for an unhealthy partner to control you. A partner who acts suspicious and accuses you of flirting or cheating is acting jealous. They may even make jealousy sound like love by saying things like, "I just don't want to lose you".
Guilting is a way for an unhealthy partner to make you feel sorry for them. An abusive partner makes it seem like they are the victim, making you feel guilty for the fights you have.
If an unhealthy partner is showing volatility, or being vile, they will have unpredictable overreactions and extreme mood swings. if you are with an abusive partner, you may be afraid that something you do or say will upset them, like you are 'walking on eggshells'.
SABOTAGE, ISOLATION, MANIPULATION
Sabotage in an unhealthy relationship is when a partner ruins your success at school or work. They might do this by keeping you from going to work or attending school/doing homework. An unhealthy partner may also constantly call you when they know you are at school/work, or even show up unannounced.
Isolation is what happens when a partner wants all of your time. An unhealthy partner may decide who you can or cannot spend time with and where you can or cannot go. They may keep you from your friends and family, and you could lose friends and family ties as a result.
Manipulative partners try to influence your actions or emotions. Partners who use this unhealthy behavior make you feel sorry for them, or try to coerce you to do something you don’t want to. For example, they may say, “I do this because I love you” to explain abusive behavior, or they may use gifts or compliments as a way to persuade you.
For more videos and information on intimate partner violence visit One Love Foundation by clicking the button below.
WHY DO THEY STAY?
LOVE, ISOLATION, FEAR
AND FINANCIAL DEPENDENCE
LOVE: A person being abused still loves their unhealthy partner. The relationship may still have good times; an abusive partner may have periods of acting loving or romantic. The unhealthy partner may make promises that the abuse will stop and never happen again. An abused partner may think that they can change their abusive partner for the better, if they just show them enough love and forgiveness.
ISOLATION: A person in an abusive relationship is often times isolated from friends and family. They may feel like they don't have anyone to talk about their relationship with, and not enough support to leave. A tactic that abusers use to gain power and control is to maintain their partners isolation, because without a strong support system an abused partner is much less likely to leave an unhealthy situation.
FEAR: Fear is another tactic used by abusers to keep their partner in the unhealthy relationship. Physical violence and the threat of violence, including threats made with a weapon, are very effective tools used by abusers to gain power and control. If an abuser senses they are losing their power, they may do whatever it takes to get it back - an abused partner is 7x more likely to be murdered AFTER LEAVING the abusive relationship.
FINANCIAL DEPENDENCE: A partner reliant on the abusive partner financially is also much less likely to leave. When trying to decide if leaving the relationship is the right thing to do, the abused partner will find themselves asking: "Where will I live? How will I find work? Will I make enough money to support myself?"
CHILDREN, RELIGION, AND GUILT
CHILDREN: A parent who is being abused by their partner has added complications when it comes to leaving. A stay-at-home parent may endure the abuse as a trade-off for being able to stay with their child each day. Childcare is very costly, and an abused partner may fear they can't afford living on their own as a single parent. A parent may want to keep their family together for the children, believing it is important for children to have both of their parents in the home. And, if the abused parent leaves with the children, they may fear the abuser will get custody or unsupervised visitation with the children; a parent would rather endure abuse and be there to protect their children than allow their children to be alone with the abuser.
RELIGION: Sometimes a partner being abused stays in the relationship because their religion condemns divorce. Some religions also promote female submission of a wife to her husband, which can be used as an excuse for a husband to maintain power and control over his wife.
GUILT: A victim may believe that the abuse is their fault. After being called enough names, taking the blame fight after fight, and making excuses for the abusive partner's behavior, the abused partner internalizes this guilt and blames themself for what is happening. Society has a tendency to place blame on the victim, which exacerbates this problem. Rather than ask a victim, "how could you let this happen to you?" we should ask the perpetrator of abuse, "why are you abusing a person you are suppose to love?"
The Facts About Domestic Violence
1 IN 4 WOMEN
AND 1 IN 9 MEN
have been victims
of severe physical violence
by an intimate partner
within their lifetime
are placed to
domestic violence hotlines nationwide on a typical day
WOMEN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 18-24
are the most likely
to be abused by an intimate partner
NEW YORK STATE
has the highest need for domestic violence services
in the country
For more information about domestic violence facts and statistics, click the button below to visit
the New York State Coalition Against Domestic Violence
For more information on the unique elements affecting LGBTQ victims of intimate partner abuse, click the buttons below to visit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and to view the LGBT Power and Control Wheel.
NEWS & VIEWS
YOUTH EMPOWERMENT TASK FORCE
September 13, 2019
We have partnered with the Runaway and Homeless Youth Program to offer a youth task force group for our local young people. Grades 7-11 are welcome to attend our monthly meetings that include games, activities, and food! The goal of this group is to encourage youth the be educated about the issues that affect them and their peers, and empower them to create social change in their school and community.
Transportation is provided for youth that live in Frankfort, Ilion, Mohawk, Herkimer, Newport, and Poland.
To sign up for the Youth Empowerment Task Force, text your name and what school you attend to 315-868-2165.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PROGRAM RECIEVES $15,000 STATE GRANT
July 25, 2018
Catholic Charities of Herkimer County is set to receive a $15,000 state grant to support the organization’s domestic violence prevention efforts, state Sen. James Seward announced in July of 2018.
You Can Make a Difference
VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME
Answer the 24-hour crisis hotline
We are in need of volunteers to answer our crisis hotline. After attending our hotline training, you can volunteer to have our hotline answering service contact you on your personal phone during the hours each month you agree to. Be the voice on the other side of the call when a person experiencing abuse or the friend/family member of a victim need some information and support. Contact our Volunteer Coordinator if you are interested in finding out more.
SCHEDULE A TRAINING
Help Spread Awareness
We are the only program in Herkimer County to offer free educational presentations and training opportunities on domestic violence, intimate partner violence, and dating abuse. If you are a teacher or school administrator, community program director, or if you are affiliated with an organization or business in Herkimer County, we can provide your students or staff with important information on the dynamics of unhealthy relationships and abuse. Contact our Community Education and Outreach Coordinator to find out more.
MAKE A DONATION
Make A True Change
Our organization always appreciates the generosity and involvement of people like you, with every contribution going towards victim services and prevention. We want to provide you with the correct and appropriate information pertaining to your mode of support, so don’t hesitate to contact us with your questions.
“Everything that is done in the world is done by hope”
ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP